I’ve realized something about myself. There are lots of things I believe God CAN do. I believe He can heal. I believe He can bless. I believe He can do miracles.
The problem is that I don’t always believe He WILL do them. I can’t number the times I’ve been afraid to even ask God for something, for fear He won’t do it and I’ll feel stupid. And I certainly don’t tell others about what I’ve asked God for, just in case it doesn’t happen. I’m hedging my bets with God, giving myself an out in case my requests don’t pan out.
I’m pretty sure that’s not faith! Turns out, when I look at it through that lens, the faith I thought I had is actually pretty small. Part of my struggle is me. I want to ask God for things, but I don’t want to be selfish. I want Him to meet my needs, but I don’t want to look at Him as some giant vending machine. So it’s easier just to not ask. Then I won’t feel selfish, and even more importantly, I won’t be disappointed if it doesn’t happen.
I’ve decided to let go of my fears. Today I’m going to live in faith. I’m going to ask God for something I’ve been afraid to even admit I want. And I’m going to confess it to someone else as well. I’m going to let God out of the box and believe that He not only CAN, but WILL. Plus, for once in my life, I’m going to let myself out of the box and live the dangerous life of faith, where things might not work out, where I might not get what I ask for.
Then again…maybe I will..